Thank u lilms sassy..( i don't have the excuse of making a human being but aging yes) .I am so so so tired..ate, got dressed and now all ready to go out...but my eyes keep closing....my mind is a fog....my body doesn't belong to me but is being dragged along...complaining, Why do the actress on TV all wear this weird color peach lipstick when they are suppose to be with no make-up..what is wrong with real lips??it bugs me
the only word to describe this kind of tired is debilitating. i am completely worthless. went to my nephew's bday party last night, and i'm sure it would have been fun, what with the dj, and magician, and nearly all of my siblings there, but i slept through pretty much the entire thing! looking at my calendar, i realize i won't make it to half of the shit i have planned. this making a human being thing is exhausting!
Trying to have a relaxing morning..turn on TV..first Regis and Kelly..light..almost too light..then The View...have to tolerate a stupid right wing women...it is that certainty that i don't like in people even in the left wing though more so when the opinions differ from mine.... so she has 5 children going on 6 but wants to be a host on the View...mothering by distance.. but it is god's work....and Obama shouldn't have won the Nobel Prize (I did find it odd he won so quickly) because he supports deadly abortions..which has what exactly to do with a reward for promoting peace in the world. Then a doctor who is telling us with no doubts in his mind that we should all be taking vaccinations..pregnant women etc..against swine flu plus even other vaccinations for all kinds of diseases..and for sure sure sure there is no danger...and quotes how many people have died from this flu and that flu. then i think i should quickly get alternative stuff homeopath herbs against the flu, support immune system and some to send to my daughter as well.. more expenses and I just spent so much money..etc..etc.. then terrorist attacks..we should all keep a flashlight with batteries in our house all ready for the next attacks...oh no..I don't have one...candles.yes.. think I will escape to the virtue world of farmville on facebook..........
Socializing seems like so much work......I see friends..new friends of course but then go home and feel alone... Like with my ex..I feel that I follow the rules of others.....I rebel, do it in my fashion but still socially I am either a follower not a leader..or an eccentric loner. Had lunch today with 3 friends ( friends meaning more then acquaintance but not quite friends), their tradition in a way to have lunch on Yom kippur (Jewish New Year) , the day of fast...They at least fasted part of the day..and went to shul.....I just went to shul to meet them for lunch..decided i would try not complaining for one day..a fast of some sort..... to Dilettanti. I did meet all my social obligations....that I agonized over the phone about
The feeling of... somehow somewhere..i am suppose to be doing something, going somewhere..reaching some point, some place..somehow not doing something I need to do.....I have to get into action but what action and to go where..? lovely insecurity.....
I am so tired of hearing about swine flu...I usually don't worry about the flu, figure it comes every year but all this talk that i don't understand why...seems every year there is a new panic about something in the media. anyway i am taking extra vit. D ..the newest prevention supposedly.... I turn the TV on to escape and all they talk about is disease..Alzheimer on the rise, symptoms of Ovarian cancer that resemble indigestion bloating? and then the stroke..headaches....etc etc...Farmville on facebook is great escape..no diseases..or economic crisis or violense..war..etc.. I hate the media..
